'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck'




Before this book I was a self-help virgin. I went into it open minded, but expected little. My scepticism was proven unfounded as this book completely changed my mind-set. 


I care too much. I give to many f*cks. I give a f*ck about grades. I give a f*ck about this blog. I give a f*ck about what I'm eating tonight. I give a f*ck about the coffee I drink. I give a f*ck about how I'm going to earn money this summer. I give a f*ck about my relationships. I give a f*ck about my eyebrows. I give a f*ck about my room, my shower, my rent - I give a f*ck about giving too many f*cks. It is f*cking exhausting. I can't spread myself that thin over all these things to care about all these things without running myself down, as Manson said, we have limited f*cks to give.

It is hard to summarise what Manson says in this book without typing out the whole of the book. So, instead, I am going to give you three ways in which this book has helped or changed the way I think about things, and maybe that will inspire you read it!


1) I Will Do Something BECAUSE I Don't Give a F*ck

Trying to stop giving a fuck was hard, because I had been taught that giving a fuck was the only way to be successful. People who did not give any fucks were lazy people, people who lived on the couch and ate a strict diet of microwave burgers. What I did not realise is that me giving too much of a fuck was the thing holding me back. I gave so much of a fuck, the thought of doing something to help the cause I fucked about genuinely terrified me. I have an example of this:

I write for the student newspaper. There is a particular section I have always wanted to get involved in, but I cared SO much about writing good pieces that I never volunteered for a piece or even went to a meeting. That is not helping the cause, it's making it worse. Last week there was a committee position going on that section, and a piece that I would love to write. I volunteered for the piece and applied for the position. Is that going to be the best article to ever be seen? Probably not. Will I get the committee position? Probably not. Do I give a fuck? No. 

The thought of rejection made me not even want to try. Not giving a fuck about the outcome is was spurred me to go for it, and whatever the outcome it isn't a bad thing that I tried.

2) I Stopped Trying to be Happy

All I have ever wanted is to be happy. I never realised this is what was stopping me being happy. Happiness is probably one of the hardest things to be for two reasons.
The first reason is that it is not a state of being. It is not a level that you can stay on. It is an emotion. You cannot be there forever. Nor do you want to be happy forever, because if you are happy all the time you'd normalise it and forget what happy is. 
The second reason, as Manson points out, is to achieve some sort of goal that we think will score us happiness we have to go through some sort of pain. They work symbiotically. If I want the dream bod, I have to sweat it in the gym. If I want the dream career, I have to stress myself with work. If I the dream relationship, I have to have those hard conversations. These problems, this pain, that you put into achieving that goal can pull you away from actual happiness.
So, instead of trying to happy I am just trying to be OK. I want to have a constant level of OK, with equal parts good and bad. 

3) AND I Stopped Comparing Myself to People Online

I recently unfollowed a fuck load of people on my twitter and Instagram. I compare myself quite badly to people online, it wasn't healthy and wasn't helping my happiness. It fed The Feedback Loop from Hell.
From about July last year I was in a rut. I was in an emotional ditch that I couldn't get back out of. The worst thing to have pushed in your face when you feel like a dog turd is other people’s happiness and perfect lives. So, the people that I felt were too happy I unfollowed. This could seem bitter; they've done nothing wrong - but I don't give a fuck. Sometimes you have to know what will make you feel better, and not seeing girls with perfect bodies and brill grades made me feel better.
It is easy to forget that social media is deceptive. Yes, that couple look adorable in that selfie, but that selfie doesn’t take into account the argument that they had twenty minutes before it was taken. People aren’t necessarily lying on social media; they are just putting out there the very best version of themselves. They’re putting out the version of themselves that people want to think they are, and that they want to believe they are. It seems very stupid to try to aspire to be like someone when you’re are only seeing the very best of them because it is unattainable to be that very all the time.

GIVE THE BOOK A GO

  • https://www.amazon.co.uk/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713
  • http://www.audible.co.uk/pd/Health-Personal-Development/The-Subtle-Art-of-Not-Giving-a-F-ck-Audiobook/B01MG9416Z?source_code=M2M14DFT1BkSH082015011Y

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