'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck'




Before this book I was a self-help virgin. I went into it open minded, but expected little. My scepticism was proven unfounded as this book completely changed my mind-set. 


I care too much. I give to many f*cks. I give a f*ck about grades. I give a f*ck about this blog. I give a f*ck about what I'm eating tonight. I give a f*ck about the coffee I drink. I give a f*ck about how I'm going to earn money this summer. I give a f*ck about my relationships. I give a f*ck about my eyebrows. I give a f*ck about my room, my shower, my rent - I give a f*ck about giving too many f*cks. It is f*cking exhausting. I can't spread myself that thin over all these things to care about all these things without running myself down, as Manson said, we have limited f*cks to give.

It is hard to summarise what Manson says in this book without typing out the whole of the book. So, instead, I am going to give you three ways in which this book has helped or changed the way I think about things, and maybe that will inspire you read it!


1) I Will Do Something BECAUSE I Don't Give a F*ck

Trying to stop giving a fuck was hard, because I had been taught that giving a fuck was the only way to be successful. People who did not give any fucks were lazy people, people who lived on the couch and ate a strict diet of microwave burgers. What I did not realise is that me giving too much of a fuck was the thing holding me back. I gave so much of a fuck, the thought of doing something to help the cause I fucked about genuinely terrified me. I have an example of this:

I write for the student newspaper. There is a particular section I have always wanted to get involved in, but I cared SO much about writing good pieces that I never volunteered for a piece or even went to a meeting. That is not helping the cause, it's making it worse. Last week there was a committee position going on that section, and a piece that I would love to write. I volunteered for the piece and applied for the position. Is that going to be the best article to ever be seen? Probably not. Will I get the committee position? Probably not. Do I give a fuck? No. 

The thought of rejection made me not even want to try. Not giving a fuck about the outcome is was spurred me to go for it, and whatever the outcome it isn't a bad thing that I tried.

2) I Stopped Trying to be Happy

All I have ever wanted is to be happy. I never realised this is what was stopping me being happy. Happiness is probably one of the hardest things to be for two reasons.
The first reason is that it is not a state of being. It is not a level that you can stay on. It is an emotion. You cannot be there forever. Nor do you want to be happy forever, because if you are happy all the time you'd normalise it and forget what happy is. 
The second reason, as Manson points out, is to achieve some sort of goal that we think will score us happiness we have to go through some sort of pain. They work symbiotically. If I want the dream bod, I have to sweat it in the gym. If I want the dream career, I have to stress myself with work. If I the dream relationship, I have to have those hard conversations. These problems, this pain, that you put into achieving that goal can pull you away from actual happiness.
So, instead of trying to happy I am just trying to be OK. I want to have a constant level of OK, with equal parts good and bad. 

3) AND I Stopped Comparing Myself to People Online

I recently unfollowed a fuck load of people on my twitter and Instagram. I compare myself quite badly to people online, it wasn't healthy and wasn't helping my happiness. It fed The Feedback Loop from Hell.
From about July last year I was in a rut. I was in an emotional ditch that I couldn't get back out of. The worst thing to have pushed in your face when you feel like a dog turd is other people’s happiness and perfect lives. So, the people that I felt were too happy I unfollowed. This could seem bitter; they've done nothing wrong - but I don't give a fuck. Sometimes you have to know what will make you feel better, and not seeing girls with perfect bodies and brill grades made me feel better.
It is easy to forget that social media is deceptive. Yes, that couple look adorable in that selfie, but that selfie doesn’t take into account the argument that they had twenty minutes before it was taken. People aren’t necessarily lying on social media; they are just putting out there the very best version of themselves. They’re putting out the version of themselves that people want to think they are, and that they want to believe they are. It seems very stupid to try to aspire to be like someone when you’re are only seeing the very best of them because it is unattainable to be that very all the time.

GIVE THE BOOK A GO

  • https://www.amazon.co.uk/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713
  • http://www.audible.co.uk/pd/Health-Personal-Development/The-Subtle-Art-of-Not-Giving-a-F-ck-Audiobook/B01MG9416Z?source_code=M2M14DFT1BkSH082015011Y

Pictures of Amsterdam


My boyfriend and I found an ace deal on Expedia for this little hotel in Amsterdam, Monday to Friday. It was short, sweet and perhaps one of my favourite holidays. As I was off galavanting around Amsterdam I didn't have chance to think of some good content for my blog so I thought I would just share some of our photos from the week. Amsterdam is such a pretty city. 





Our little bird model. 

Cheese AND great architecture.  





Every building is awe-worthy. 

Rob is a pretty princess.



COOT! Cars are too mainstream for Amsterdam.

3 Steps to Sleeping like a PRO!


If you're anything like me bed time is a nightmare (lmao the pun). I feel like I am tired allll day, right up until I have to get in bed and actually go to sleep. My lack of ability to sleep has especially been impacting me since this past Christmas. Consistently dragging myself through days on four hours sleep and copious amounts of caffeine was starting to take its toll. I did a little research on how to sleep, which was a tedious task however I did actually find a few O.K. tips that have been helping me. I thought I'd share my findings in case anyone is struggling!

 1) Have a Bed Time Routine

I am guilty of working right up until I get in to my bed. This may be an effective way of getting done what I need done however it means that my lil ol' brain has no chance to unwind and relax before I want it to sleep. My ticking brain will be running for hours contemplating the most ridiculous things and this not only keeps me awake but even wakes me up more!
 So, my top tip: make a point of having a going to bed routine. Get out of work clothes and in to PJ's, take your time washing your face then maybe reading a book or watching something fairly lax on your computer (maybe a documentary?). The routine will relax your brain and also let your body know that now is time for the sleep

2) Sleepy Time Playlist

I didn't think this was a thing, but it really does help. Once you're in bed an ready to sleep, pop yourself a soothing album or playlist to. The music/sounds distract you from late-night-thinking and put you into a lovely drifting away mood. ALSO, since listening to the same album every night (Solid Air by John Martyn) for a couple weeks, when I hear his album I automatically feel sleepy. My brain just seems to associate his sweet lil folk singin' to bed time. As I am a top pal to ye, I've also made a "Sleepy Time" playlist on Spotify for you to give a go!

(p.s. there is a fair few John Martyn in there ngl, but he is a fave!.)

3) BREATH!


This is something that I read on Cosmo and thought it was something that would work for Cher Horowitz and not me. It is the 4-7-8 trick. It is a great idea, and its origins are from meditation practices, but I spend more time focusing on how I'm breathing than relaxing and falling to sleep. SO, what I would recommend is focusing on taking deep inhales and long exhales when trying to sleep. You're using minimal focus (unlike the 4-7-8) but still distracting your brain from overthinking its way to 3am. 

January Listens

Hello!
Every month I plan on talking about my favourite tunes and albums of that month in a nice and tidy blog post! Here are my January faves:

1) Tracy Chapman - Tracy Chapman


Considering the current circumstances in the world (especially America) I feel like my brain came back to this album like you would an old and trust worthy friend. This is is perhaps one of the most powerful albums you will ever listen to. Tracey Chapman has a depth and integrity in her voice that you feel what she is singing about. Her voice tells the story regardless of what the lyrics are saying, although the lyrics are blunt, unapologetic and heartfelt. She approaches issues such as racism, poverty and domestic abuse with such sincerity and grace you'll come away feeling genuinely moved. Once you have heard this album, you cannot forget it.  

 I would recommend listening to 'Talkin' About a Revolution', 'Across the Lines', 'Mountain of Things' and "Behind the Wall". 


2) In The Court Of The Crimson King - King Crimson


This was one of the first albums that I came away from in immediate awe of the album. The instrumentals are epic. The music is irregular, unique and iconic. It makes the walk to my Monday morning lecture slightly less tedious: the rain may be pouring, but at least I feel like I am on some sort of intergalactic quest rather than on my way to talk about the logistics of meter in poems.
As a progressive rock album it only has five songs, but five quite long songs - 6-12 minutes long. The best way to listen to this album is beginning to end, it's like a journey that you are audibly experiencing. Despite this, my favourite songs of the album are '21st Century Schizoid Man', 'Epitaph' and 'In the Court of the Crimson King'.

 3) Solid Air - John Martyn




I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping this month. There have been a lot of 3:30AM bedtimes after watching a platoon of cooking videos on YouTube and contemplating making an avocado pasta sauce for breakfast. Over this sleepless month, Solid Air has proved itself to be my ultimate chill album.
This is the backing music to my reading or writing, and now to my sleeping. If you're having the struggles with sleep I 100% opening your window so you can hear the natural wind and rain, then play this quietly in the background. You'll be gone before the end of the half-an-hour album.  

Also, a fun little anecdote about this album: I was listening to this album for the first time my friend noticed. She asked "Do you like John Martyn?" I replied, "He sounds pretty Chill". "I was concieved to John Martyn", then she turned back to her computer screen. So if you're feeling particularly in the mood, maybe this folk album is the one for you (cheeky wink).
I would recommend "Solid Air, "Don't Want to Know" and "I'd Rather be the Devil".