Peter Pan

Lately I've been thinking a lot about growing up. I went to my first University Open Day yesterday, apart from its picturesque campus and perfect course leaving me astounded, my most prominent thought is
"Shit, I'm going to University. I'm actually growing up."

Whenever I looked into my future as a child, I imagined myself at university. I saw myself my a backpack of A grades, on my way to bright, bubbling future. I had a perfect, pretty un-problematic life - except for that really important assignment. There were no money issues, I had landed the dream part time job, so I could live in an apartment that seemed to mimic Barbie's Dream House.

Unsurprising, my life isn't quite that dream, or even in preparation for that dream. The most anticipated part of my life is just round the corner, albeit a corner full of result days, UCAS applications and exams. I am terrified of letting little-optimistic-nine-year-old-Nat down, I want to hide in my bed and turn back the clock to when this was just a dream.

If I look beyond letting myself down, the world we live in was not the one I expected to grow up in. Being a prospective History/Philosophy Student I have a habit of living in the past, or at least wanting to. Take me back to a simpler life where choosing a career was easier and achieving that career was a realistic goal. However, I'm stuck in a world where I have no ambitions past University; seemingly I have three years of life then a dull eternity of a job I didn't choose. I suppose I'm starting to see why I am petrified of growing up. 

Perhaps this blog post is nothing more than a confessional, but sometimes I think it's a good idea to share thoughts in hope of finding some like minded people. 

So, is anyone else shit-scared of growing up?

1 comment

  1. Fam! Your blog is SHAMAZE! Been reading it all afternoon